I don’t like group getaways. There are too many personalities to contend with, too many logistical issues to manage, and no matter how carefully you plan, someone’s fragile ego always gets bruised.
However, a few years ago, when my best friend announced to family and friends that she wanted to celebrate an upcoming milestone birthday in South Africa, I knew that for her sake, I’d have to set aside my hang ups about group getaways.
I was lucky. By the time the real planning for the trip rolled around, there were only three of us – the birthday girl and a new friend, who’d been out with us a few times to concerts and dinners, and me.
Although my friend and I had taken short trips together, neither of us had traveled with our new friend. I wondered secretly what 2 ½ weeks of being in close proximity to each other would do to our friendships, especially when, to control costs, we’d decided where possible, to share a room.
At our first planning meeting for the trip, we discussed our quirks and pet peeves and each person listed their deal breaker behaviors. We also decided on a few ground rules: each of us had to make a three-item must-see/do list, and since we were a small group, we decided to participate in all nine activities, even if an item from someone’s list wasn’t of interest.
That rule might sound unfair but it was a brilliant idea, one that got us out of our comfort zones. It’s how the birthday girl and I ended up at a safari camp in Zimbabwe ooohing and aaahing over exotic animals we’d only seen on National Geographic television.
Since we were hitting three cities in South Africa, each of us took on the responsibility of planning a leg of the trip, from deciding which tour company to use, where to stay, to what to do on our infrequent free days, etc.
It took us a little more than a year to pull the trip together, and during that time, we were in constant communication via email, phone, and face-to-face meetings, usually over dinner at a South African restaurant. We discussed every aspect of the trip and shared whatever information we found on our own.
Not surprisingly, the meetings to plan the trip brought us closer than we’d been before. But no amount of bonding can change people’s personalities, and no matter how much you prepare to accommodate another’s idiosyncrasies, it always is a jar to the senses when you discover what they are.
While no one had a melt down during the eighteen-day trip, there were a few times when I felt ready to close my fingers around someone’s neck, and many times I was rubbed the wrong way by someone’s attitude. In the end, I realized that I could obsess about minor things, miss the beauty in front of me and mar the overall experience, or relax. After all, it was a vacation, not a marriage.
Planned carefully, a group getaway doesn’t have to be a disaster. Here are some tips from our trip that, I believe, not only helped us have a very memorable vacation, but have kept our friendship intact.
- Have an organizer: Every group getaway must have an organizer – someone who’s very meticulous, has excellent communication skills, knows how to handle different personalities, can plan and delegate.
- Plan is more than a 4-letter word: Plan as much as possible beforehand to ensure your group getaway is a success. Know each day’s activities in detail and make sure everyone else does too.
- Know each person’s objective/s: Find out why participants want to be part of the group getaway and what activity they’d like to engage in. Getting each person to identify their ‘must-sees’ ensures that each person’s interests are addressed. Since our group was small, and we mostly liked the same things, it was easy for us to do things together.
- Be inclusive: The best way to get participants invested in the success of the group getaway, is to include everyone. In our case, we were 3 people visiting 3 different cities so it was simple enough to plan. For larger group getaways, break the trip down into activities, cities, countries, etc., and make subgroups responsible for each segment.
- Set deadlines: To ensure that you have a successful group getaway, it’s not only important to set deadlines for the payment of fees, but also to obtain information. For example, before you book a hotel, you’ll need to know that Uncle John wants a room with an ocean view.
- Keep communication open: When it’s difficult to get together in person, use email, telephone, Skype, Google Hangouts, etc., to keep communication lines open.
- Discuss pet peeves: Find out as much as you can about the person you’re sharing a room with. Understand that you might have to put up with behaviors that are different from your own but remember, it’s only for a short period.
- Have fun! The whole reason to plan a group getaway is to gather friends, family, etc., together to share an experience and have fun. Once the trip begins, that should be the only thing on the agenda.
What are your suggestions for keeping your friendships intact as you explore the world with your friends?
This post is part of Boomer Travel Women’s Group Getaways blog carnival. Head over to More Time to Travel to read about more group adventures.
Discussing pet peeves beforehand is brilliant – as was breaking down the work by city – as was accommodating six things others had thought of. It looks to me like you did a brilliant job. I’d say with groups that’s where it’s usually worth it to me to have my own room so I have at least a little space.
Loved this post! When I saw the topic, ‘group travel’ I thought, “That leaves me out!” as I am most definitely not a group traveler, but I have to admit that your pre-trip get-togethers and conversations certainly did sound like fun and then the idea of participating in activities that I might not have tried myself. . .hmmmm, maybe I need to rethink my earlier resolve!
Great tips. I too have been stuck on a trip with someone who did occasionally drive me crazy. You really have to make the best of it and try to look at the lighter side. The trip looks amazing too!
Excellent suggestions. I think you were really smart to brainstorm about difficulties you might encounter with each other ahead of time. I’m trying to decide if I’m brave enough to try to organize a trip for 10 high school classmates who don’t necessarily know each other.
Like you, I also don’t like group getaways since I’m an introvert. Are you also an introvert?
Also, thanks for the tips! I’ll be using those the next time we have a team building. I always have a hard time traveling with my workmates. 🙂
You’re welcome, Jemma. Hope they help on your next team building exercise. Workmates are an entirely different breed of people – too many different personalities and agendas to manage.
I guess I am somewhat of an introvert — I hadn’t even thought of that. Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.
Thanks, Suzanne! That’s a difficult one but you should try. At least everyone knows you so that’s a place to start. Depending on how much time you have to plan, it could be fun and a great way to get reacquainted with your now adult classmates. I say go for it!
Fabulous tips, Marcia. I am not much of a group traveler too and am most comfortable with traveling with my family. But it is amazing how much life can teach you when you get out of the comfort zone and set aside all your fears. Loved reading the article 🙂
What wonderful trips. Three can be a difficult number when friends travel together, especially when two people are much friendlier with each other than they are with the third person. That you did it successfully is a tribute to your excellent planning and inclusiveness!
Best Irene
Sounds good. Life is simply tolerable when you have great company. And for some people, having pets will make life more meaningful.
I used to go on a group trips and it was always a lot of fun. Though things will not always happen as planned, it is still a lot of keeping the friendship alive and do random stuffs.
I agree, Leigh. That way, you have time to get inside your own head for a change.
That trip worked very well, particularly because we had similar interests and we approached it in a smart and, dare I say, mature way. We’ve been talking about Thailand or Panama but haven’t worked out our schedules yet.
Glad you liked it, Jackie. Yes, sometimes we bypass group travel because of the horror stories we’ve heard but if you have a group of like-minded individuals, with similar interests who are easygoing, it can be quite fun. Hope you get a chance to give it a try one of these days.
What a brilliant way to plan a group getaway: involving everyone, talking it out beforehand. Thanks for sharing the trip planning process. I’m sure all the pre-planning that you did served bonded you to each other before the trip even started.
You’ve made some great suggestion that apply to travel partners in general whether you’re traveling with a group or not. I wish I’d put some more thought into my travelmate before traveling to Australia and Tahiti several years ago. TOTAL DISASTER! That’s definitely a trip that I need to redo – this time with my hubs who’s my best travel buddy.
I’m so sorry your trip was a disaster, Dana. I can only imagine how horrible that trip must have been. I’m glad though, that you’ve found your travel buddy in your husband and hope you get to redo the trip with him.
Thanks, Donna. You’re right — it brought us together even before we left on our trip and helped us make lasting memories.
I guess, like most things, it’s something we have to work at, especially if the friendships are important.
Thanks, Irene, you’re right. Three can be difficult. I’m finding that out right now with a group I’m working or maybe i should say trying to work with. Even though we’ve discussed things beforehand, it’s been a disaster. Five is a better number.
Thanks, Arti. I love traveling alone as I only have me to deal with but every so often, it’s nice to travel with others. Family travel is great for the overall experience of bonding but comes with it’s own set of issues. Still, as long as we remember that the objective is to have fun, it will make up for everything else.
Thanks, Sarah. You’re right, you just have to make the best of it or you’ll have wasted your money.
It was an amazing trip; I’d love to travel again with these ladies.
Great tips! Very insightful, I’ve traveled before with friends with varying size groups, from as few three up to around 8 and although we argued there were also some great times to be had!
Thanks, Hannah. Yes, sometimes arguments do make the trip more memorable.
I normally don’t travel with a group either, the lesser the better! But I loved how you kept communication open and ‘confessed’ the deal-breaker behaviours right away! and the idea of each person listing 3 must do activities , sounds very fair and diplomatic. 🙂
Thanks, Jean. In the case of group travel, lesser is definitely better — large groups can easily get unwieldly.
Now that I think about it, we did really handle the trip very maturely. It also helped that we had more or less the same interests. Thanks for visiting and commenting.
You still managed wonderful smiles in that photo, Marcia, even though you were freezing! I don’t have any sound advice on travelling with groups, I’m afraid. All I can say is be prepared for anything…
Good job Marcia!
I love the tips and will keep this in mind if I travel with friends. 🙂
Elizabeth
Thanks, Elizabeth!
Hahaha, yes we did, Andrew. It was quite a lovely day despite the cold.
That’s sage advice!
Fabulous ideas Marcia. I especially liked the one about breaking through comfort zones.
And you do look freezing in that photo.
Thanks, Narelle. And yes, we were freezing!
Discussing Pet Peeves. I like that and I agree with it, though I don’t go into lengths just to “unveil” my mates’ personality. But I say this is a good tactic to make you two get closer. Who knows, he/she might know some better places to visit.
And that’s important, sharing and getting outside your comfort zone.